I answered the phone & it was my mom crying on the other end, "Granny didn't get good news," & she immediately passed the phone off to my Dad. My gist of the conversation with him was that she was given 3 options:
1. Don't treat it & make her comfortable.
2. Don't treat it & have hospice come in.
3. Try an experimental drug. If she decides on this treatment, they believe the average life expectancy to be 2-3 months. Additionally she will need 24/7 care.
I hung up the phone & just bawled my eyes out. I sobbed trying to tell the kids the news.
But in that moment of deep disappoint, there came clarity. I have struggled with "purpose" for a very long time. My babies are growing up & the natural question everyone asks is, "What will you do when all the kids are in school?" And in my head & heart I had absolutely no idea or even direction to go to answer that question.
I received a prophetic prayer a year ago whereby I was told that I was in a season of rest. But in the moment of "the diagnosis" it became clear. My purpose is a caretaker. A caretaker can & and will take many forms in each season of life. This fall I will have mornings & 2 days each week that I can spend with My Granny. God has known & designed this plan all along.
That evening I needed to go to the grocery store & didn't want to be alone. I asked Brad to come with me. Have you ever had a moment when your heart is hurting so badly & you have to venture out in public? It was one of those moments for me. It was one of those times that I hoped I didn't run into anyone I knew, but also that in the eyes I strangers passing by I saw Jesus. That somehow their eyes spoke to my heart of love, understanding & compassion. Weird to understand, I know.
But in normal Traveling Circus fashion, Brad had to leave me at the grocery store to run a kid to a practice. In that moment of being completely alone, I found that much needed compassion & understanding in an acquaintance. I found Jesus!
That night my soul longed to visit & talk with my beautiful friend, Jenny. It had been too long since our last conversation & she is one of the most faith filled people I know. She has an incredible way of describing with her words and scripture how God will be there in some of the hardest moments of our lives & how much he deeply loves us always. She challenged me to find God every single day. To find at least one time each day that God showed up.
Tomorrow morning I leave for a Mission Trip to Detroit with Junior High Kids form Trinity Lutheran Church. I pray God will show up big time in the stories, the people, the service, the surroundings. But mostly I pray that while I'm gone for an entire week that God wraps my Granny in Love & Peace & keeps her safe.
💕Heidi
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